Huggles (8/365)

I should have set the camera further back for this shot. You would have captured a nice moment of me enjoying breakfast with my girl. Is it wrong that I enjoy her being sick? I feel bad that she feels terrible. However I relish in her cuddles. My girl like me is strong and independent. Normally she only wants to use me as a stepping stool. The last couple of days though she just wants to be held. It brings my heart almost more joy then I can bare. I will say beyond this though, that she has become a hugger. I love when she throws her arms around my legs for hugs. I have said it before and I will say it again, I will never understand people who don't want to touch their children all the time. I always want to hug her. I always want to kiss her. I never get sick of it. If I can never give her anything else she will always get those.

Betty the house (7/365)

Today you will have an overly edited picture because with lack of sleep and a long day to follow I find myself unable to take a decent picture. This post will also lack any sort of thought. My girl had a rather high fever yesterday and into the night. Like her mother, with being so miserable she just wanted to cuddle. I am beyond OK with this. She slept with me last night which meant little sleep for me for I felt the need to check on her unchanging fever every half hour.

So today we went back to the doctor who confirmed her lingering infection as well as allergies. Which I was pretty sure of before he said so. My guess is the cat. So after a hellish battle with the pharmacy it was back home where I cleaned my already clean house. All linens wash and or replaced. Every dark corner dusted. So hopefully this can be the start of trying to keep the cat and my girls allergies in check. He stays out of her room so that is a good start. Now if we can just keep him off the couch, we are golden. Lets cross our fingers that this is as bad or good as it gets. TO BE CONTINUED.

NOM NOM NOM (6/365)

So to be honest I can't stand cooking. I used to cook a lot before I was pregnant, but ever since then that switch has gone off. The funny thing is I have no problem prepping food. I do it almost everyday. When my daughter started eating food, I made all of her baby food. Now I thrive on giving her fresh food, so again everyday I am in there cutting up fruit and vegetables. I do love making things like salsas and salads. I just hate doing the part when it comes to putting something in the oven or something on the stove. The messed up part is when I do cook, it usually comes out delicious. What's ironic is that I love the kitchen. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel like a woman. Go ahead feminist, throw your shoe at me, I don't care. I obsess on making sure the kitchen is always clean. I always feel really good after all the groceries are put away and I never put off doing the dishes after dinner. I never said I was normal.

I will pay you before I die. (5/365)

I will keep this short today. I have always thought I was an old spirit. However I feel I am also young at heart. I suppose they go hand in hand. How else is a soul supposed to carry on if there isn't something young and free in your heart to drive it. I suppose it may be a silly thought but one that kept my mind busy on my drive home today.

Home away from home (4/265)

It is no secret that "I hella ♥ Oakland". There is a spirit about this urban jungle that is all encompassing. The media gives this town a bad rap, but the truth is trouble doesn't find you unless you are looking for it. If you love Oakland it will embrace you completely. There is a creative spirit about this place that completely succumbs me every time I return. It is charming and the people there stick close to each other. This is where I feel alive. I feel free. Dare I even say feel safe. I need not a lot of words for this place where i left my heart. It makes me happy. It is really that simple.

Let the sun shine in (3/365)

If only it stayed this easy. So much excitement in playing on a jungle gym. Exploring the grass. Splashing water. Why do we stop enjoying these things as adults? I remember when bugs where fascinating and not disgusting. The greatest things about these pleasures, is that they where free. I do take great pleasure in discovering these things again with my daughter. I like laying in the grass with her, staring at the sky through the trees. I love that even though it is hot as all of hell outside that she is completely content with just being outside. She could wonder the back yard all day and be satisfied. She could splash the kiddie pool all day as long as she doesn't have to get in. I'm over bills and complicated emotions. I just want to play always. Is that too much to ask for?

The Vicarious Ones (2/365)

Friends. Everyone needs one. I do not believe that man can be an island. If so then there would be no purpose to any of this. So I have friends that I have not met face to face, and I have friends for all I know I may never see again. These people (and you know who you are as you are reading this) have effected me greatly. They are my soundboards and my sanity. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for making an already beautiful day, even better. I used to believe that people should not be needed, that they should only be wanted. However I need you, my friends like the air I breathe. Your stories fascinate me. Your ideas make me think. Your lives drive me to always want to do better with mine. You make me feel alive. GUSH GUSH GUSH. At the end of the day there are no words. Just thank you. I will stop being emo now.

This is the day (1/365)

Where to start. I can speak eloquently in my own right, but here I am now on the spot and I am without a word from the wise. Why now am I blogging? I think my life is about to change dramatically.

I have always been some what of an introverted person. I could tell you how I felt, as long as I didn't have to give you a backstory. I would fight until I was blue in the face that I was a strong person but felt it was none of your business why I am who I am. So unrightfully just. In the last year or so I have lost that ability. Having a child has broken down so many of my barriers. I have found myself and my true strength, but I have also lost the things that I have ever truly admired about myself. With that I have let go of a lot of the things that drive me and inspire me.

I am on a quest to regain these aspects of my life. This process is going to be a long road I believe, but vital if I am going to be the role model my daughter needs. I will use this blog in conjunction with the 365 project, because well, I am no longer afraid of being vain. The idea of my own vanity no longer presents a guard for me. Especially when looking back at what it was to be humble to me is completely ludicrous.

So here we are. I am ready to be open and ready to explore my own mind with the things that effect me everyday. I am ready. Ready to take on the rest of my life. Ready to be the free spirit that I have always truly been. Ready to be this person with out the pretence of what I am so supposed to be. Ready to be me. Ready to learn. Ready to grow.